I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
