Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
