Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
