Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
