Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
