If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
