So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
