I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
