When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
