I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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