Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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