I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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