I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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