i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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