so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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