There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
