i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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