he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need water and some morals
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
