I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
