where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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