life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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