I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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