You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
