I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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