i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
