I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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