Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
