please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
