I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
