Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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