My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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