It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am naked and annoyed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I came so hard my ears popped.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize