I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
