As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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