ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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