The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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