Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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