new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
