were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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