Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
