Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Found your dick twin last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
