i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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