she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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