i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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