You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
