i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
