Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize