**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
