I want to make a zoo with you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
