Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
