We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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