hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
