omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
