I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
