dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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