I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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