It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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