Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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