i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
