Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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