Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize