You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
