We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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