i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
