chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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