The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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