i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just googled if crying burns calories
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
