Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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