I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
