Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
