The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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