is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
