the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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