Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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