If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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