glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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