Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
