he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
