ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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