part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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