you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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