It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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