U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
