And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
