yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
