So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
