It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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