I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
