Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Enjoy the penises
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize