I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
