AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
