Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
