I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
