big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You took a bar mat shot.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
