Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize