: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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