thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
