He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
