Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
